Comments on: Ok, im 13 and my essay is due in tommorow, could you tell me what you think? http://antiquerecordplayers.info/ok-im-13-and-my-essay-is-due-in-tommorow-could-you-tell-me-what-you-think.htm Wed, 23 May 2012 20:31:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Mikaela http://antiquerecordplayers.info/ok-im-13-and-my-essay-is-due-in-tommorow-could-you-tell-me-what-you-think.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4147 Mikaela Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:37:00 +0000 http://antiquerecordplayers.info/ok-im-13-and-my-essay-is-due-in-tommorow-could-you-tell-me-what-you-think.htm#comment-4147 Wow! That's really good for a 13-year-old. Heck, that's good for anyone. :) there are a few minor grammatical errors that are an easy fix... like you can drop the apostrophe in "everything it see's." also, i'm not sure if your fourth stanza makes sense, especially the last sentence "Dust travels in particles that only the untrained human eye can find." are you trying to say the clock can't see the dust because it's not human? the sentences in that stanza could use some clarification. but the main thing i see is a tense problem. you use present tense words like "stands" and "return." then you switch to past tense words like "ticked" and "stretched." so, you should pick a tense and stick with it. other than that, great job! your imagery is fantastic. Wow! That’s really good for a 13-year-old. Heck, that’s good for anyone. :)

there are a few minor grammatical errors that are an easy fix… like you can drop the apostrophe in "everything it see’s."

also, i’m not sure if your fourth stanza makes sense, especially the last sentence "Dust travels in particles that only the untrained human eye can find." are you trying to say the clock can’t see the dust because it’s not human? the sentences in that stanza could use some clarification.

but the main thing i see is a tense problem. you use present tense words like "stands" and "return." then you switch to past tense words like "ticked" and "stretched." so, you should pick a tense and stick with it.

other than that, great job! your imagery is fantastic.

]]> By: Cara..... http://antiquerecordplayers.info/ok-im-13-and-my-essay-is-due-in-tommorow-could-you-tell-me-what-you-think.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4148 Cara..... Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:37:00 +0000 http://antiquerecordplayers.info/ok-im-13-and-my-essay-is-due-in-tommorow-could-you-tell-me-what-you-think.htm#comment-4148 I really liked it. You need to change 'Its waits in a corner' to ' It waits in a corner'. And the'wrinkled skin should follow, not follows. In the fourth stanza there should be no comma after corner. In second stanze, a comma is needed between stiff and concentrated. Also, one is needed in the first stanza between hard and frozen. The content is good. I give you an 'A'. Good luck I really liked it. You need to change ‘Its waits in a corner’ to ‘ It waits in a corner’. And the’wrinkled skin should follow, not follows. In the fourth stanza there should be no comma after corner. In second stanze, a comma is needed between stiff and concentrated.
Also, one is needed in the first stanza between hard and frozen. The content is good. I give you an ‘A’. Good luck

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